Chest hair, the latest four letter word
In a land of mannequins, this man is scourge
Handle the fur, basement walls paneled for sure
So duck and cover suckers, it’s the cannibal cur
A menace observed, heads turn in disbelief at light speed
Seeing the beast creeping from my collar and it might be
A nightmare for some, they’re weak in the heart
I can hear the clippers and they’re fiending to start
Believing it’s sharp, unfastening a couple of buttons
Claming they know the way, but their rebuttal is bluffing
sup with the loving? Throw a stach in the mix
Trying to sell me razors it’s all capitalist
Father’s day comes and the TV screen
Is nothing but Norelco and greedy dreams
You can keep your mitts away, stop the madness
Advised by the beardless, wishing they had this
How many blades can they fit in one product?
2 3 4 5 6 sick stop cuts
Then it’s nose and ears opposing the whole beard
I’m out for a walk, staying warm in a cold year
A pound for your thought, penny is farthing
Eating trapped leftovers, many are starving
See, I’ve got a food bank with a gruesome rank
I’m the old school type giving the tooth a plank
What good’s a mouth without a toothpick
That’s like a Left Lane Cruiser song without a blues lick
Saying that I’m better off clean cut, prove it
Making like a man, abandon your movement
Some say I’m rocking a belligerent beard
But that’s not a scene that I’m picturing here
I decide where my chest hair ends and beard begins
In calm sea, I step then appears the fin
best watch for the shark with a guard on his grill
as for the rap, beg your pardon, it’s ill
Let the carbon copy smooth faces speak up or shut yaps
Waynedale Ray rocking a Cubs cap
Do as you please, leave my hair out of your soapbox
there’s no baking soda near my stovetop
I do my thing and you do yours, shut your yap
No poaching the mic when I erupt with raps
They say I’m rough around the edges, what’s with that?
Is it cause I rock a beard when I’m busting cats?
I’ve got a waiter on the way with a tray of food here
Sitting ‘round, biding time waiting for a new beard
Cats wearing funny hats, stumped as a lumberjack
Run for the fun of the act I’m summoned to rap
So here is it again for your disapproval
Virulent with pens and my blitz is brutal
Sit back in your barcolounger and chill
Lest you get your snatched starter cap found in Brazil
Good evening, I’m Stephen your designated sore thumb
EDS he’s the genius with those war drums
Fit the casket he is kicking that grit
any more tough talk-thicken that lip
Give it to me and I’ll return it with some collagen
Determine the diversion & the sermon is abolishment
I laugh in the face of death, give it a nose job
Smash innovate fresh spitting it so raw
Last of the days to test I’m raised to vex
Working for the betterment no praising less
Major flavor flex, sit by and just laugh
Hard of hearing phone sex talkathon mustache
This is the day that the Lord has made
My anger has a heat that can forge the blade
These are my thoughts that adorn the page
I’m just warming up and fools are torn away
Running on the line and the border is clear
Shout out to my man Kash, pouring a beer
the storm of the year, get you nautical gear on
Hypnotic, adhere, fear got a lot it smeared strong
With the help of EDS, I thought up a beard song
Lips moving, eyes empty...I appear gone
Folks speaking the Queen’s English say that he’s a touch daft
Proceeding with a nose bleeding speed, adjust that
little too fast, rhubarb and doodads
Spinning a true yarn for true dads, who knew tats
Find me chilling in blue slacks, villainous as douche ads
Bewildering the wilderness and filling in Purdue stats
Pouring out a concrete garden and it grew grass
got myself a weed whacking steamroller true that